I was crawling through a cold dark tunnel in 2cm of water when I noticed that the exit was blocked by a mesh wire gate. I turned around and crawled back through this 8m long snake shaped tunnel and found the entrance gate was also shut. I was stuck in a tunnel.
I would like to tell you all that this is a made up story, but it is very real and happened when I was 18 years old. I was in this tunnel because I was on the selection course to be a Royal Marine Officer. When they realised I wasn’t with the group, they came back and found me and asked if I wanted to continue. I said no, I gave up. To cut the rest of the story short the synopsis is; I didn’t get selected.
I remember feeling defeated and a sense of shame. At the time there was a number of excuses I came up with; I was the youngest person there, I was in the middle of my exams, I’d just been on holiday, etc.
But at the end of the day, I just wasn’t prepared for this test and I didn’t have the grit to see it through. I had an inner confidence in my ability to get through the challenge, thinking it couldn’t be that hard, but I was wrong.
I watched as the other candidates dug deep for the rest of the day, pushing through the pain to achieve their dream of being selected to be a Royal Marine Officer in training.
Following this failure, I thought I would continue to train to eventually go back for another attempt after I finished my university studies. But that’s not how it eventuated, I never looked back at an option to join the military.
At the time I wasn’t mature enough to see the learnings from this experience, but that moment has influenced my life. Since then I very rarely give up on challenges, despite the toll they take on me. You can argue that this is a bad thing, but most of the time I think this is good because I’m a firm believer that difficult journeys get you to amazing places.
I still have a strong sense of agency and an internal confidence in my ability to do whatever I set my mind to. But this opportunity gave me the reality check I needed, that it’s not just about an internal belief but putting processes and plans in place, as well as the confidence, to see them through.
One thing I still need to learn from this experience, and all subsequent hard times, is knowing when it is the right time to quit. Stopping and reevaluating and a situation to realise it’s not the right thing is not a failure. It’s an opportunity to take stock of what’s happened, learn and then try again.
At work we follow the after-action review format following any emergency or business continuity event. This simple review can be applied to anything in life and focuses on 4 key processes:
What happened?
What can I/we improve?
What should I/we sustain?
What immediate steps should be taken?
These questions can be asked of yourself or any group you are involved in following any situation, good or bad.
We have lots of stories that could benefit from an after action review. It provides a great opportunity to learn and make adjustments on your journey through life.
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