Recently, I had a conversation with someone who felt emotionally drained by a colleague on their team. The exact cause isn't crucial, but the idea of relationships that either build or drain our energy is significant.
Not all relationships are equal; some leave us feeling more exhausted than others. These individuals are often referred to as 'energy vampires.'
Over the years, I've had friendships that left me emotionally drained. I found myself expending a lot of energy just to keep the conversation going. You might ask, "Why continue such friendships?" As an introvert, I've learned that making friends as an adult can be challenging, especially when moving to a new city or country.
After moving to Perth I had few friends outside my wife’s social circle, but I did meet someone outside that circle. We would catch up have a few drinks, maybe dinner and would just talk about what was going on in each of our lives. It felt incredibly superficial and sometimes pretty forced. Gradually the time between catch ups got longer and longer, until we stopped speaking to one another.
Neither of us were getting what we wanted from that relationship and both must of felt the energy drain from those catch ups.
I was talking to a good friend, one where we have a mutually energy generating relationship, and he told me that he has had relationships like the one I described and could tell they were energy draining because every time he left the conversation or catch up he would crave unhealthy/sugary food.
While not all relationships can be energizing, it's crucial to recognize those that drain us and manage them tactfully. What we can control is how we recharge after such encounters. Personally, I find these activities helpful:
Exercise - strength training and walking in the sunshine
Reading and learning
Journaling and writing
Meditation and cold exposure
Spending time with the people that build your energy up
I'm now very mindful about seeking relationships that are mutually energizing. It's challenging to move past superficial talk to deeper, meaningful conversations that truly energize both parties.
This is just another example of ensuring that we balance the energy being taken out of our daily activities, with the energy we are putting back in.
As I said to the person who came to me for advice, you need to keep focussing on the activities that give you energy, so that when those energy vampires come along, you can recover quickly and stay on track.
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